Relief

Well, at about 11.30 I called the hospital and they told me that he was still in surgery. This was a lot later than planned and so naturally I started to think that something had gone horribly wrong. Left a request that the hospital call me as soon as he was put in the recovery room. No problem, they said.

12.30, 1am, 1.30... I was starting to really let me mind go to wild places. Widow with three kids, eight months pregnant, nightmare stuff. At 2am I thought 'bugger this' and called. The night nurse said she had not wanted to call in case she woke me up. Gasp in amazement to think that anyone would a) be able to sleep while their husband had his back cut open or b) that they would be so angry to be woken up for 2 minutes to be told their spouse was OK that she was afraid to call. Decided that she had probably just forgotten!

It turns out that the operation had been more complicated than expected. Instead of three hours, it had taken five because once inside the spinal canal they had found a lot more scar tissue from his previous operation 11 years ago. This has caused his nerve to become fused to the side of the canal, and made it immoveable. The surgeon had been planning to move the nerve to the side to take out the disc.

Luckily, he was able to spot a tiny piece of the slipped disc from a different angle, and pulled the whole hernia out in one go (which was extremely lucky I think). He told my husband that he had removed a piece of disc the size of a small chipolata sausage. Ugh!

So relieved that the operation is over. So far there are no signs of post-operative infection or anything nasty like that. Husband is very woozy, but even on the first day, was able to stand with the help of the physiotherapist and sit for a short while. Amazing.

Spinal op a-go-go

Can't go to bed, too tense. Waiting for husband's nurse to call to tell me he is OK. He has been away being operated on since 6.10. It is now 11.10.

I thought I was doing really well (compared to last time he had a back op when I went mentally awol for the three days he was in hospital - practically unable to function!), but have had a few odd moments where I realise that it is quite a stressful time.

I had a crisis of choice in which box of tissues to buy him to take to hospital in Boots. He, of course, did not need to take any tissues with him, but I had gone to Boots the Chemists to get him a new toothbrush, and it didn't feel like contribution enough, so I got him some bloody tissues but it took about 10 minutes to choose the box, and even then I fretted. In the end I went Mr Men (turns out the tissues have Mr Men on them). Thought they would go well with the girls' Get Well Soon cards they made.

I thought we were pretty calm this afternoon until he was bundled into his tight socks (to prevent deep vein thrombosis) and hospital gown and ushered quickly out of the room and I burst into tears as he left - totally not the strong, reliable rock he might have needed as he went off to face the surgical chisel in his spine. Total wash out really. Uncontrollable blubbing.

I am going to go and lie down now with the phone and wait for the call.

Joyful January continues into February but the end is in sight...

I am going back to my reasons for blogging in the first place and just using blogspot to record these crazy days or I will most likely forget them or blank them from my mind through a mixture of tiredness and preferring not to dwell on the memories of dreadful weeks.

Husband got back from Kazakhstan last week with back pain as chronic as I have ever seen him. He is a fighter and had managed the journey more or less unaided with two kids in tow (they had been brilliant despite it being a boring long day flight with no entertainment at all). But he cannot lie down, he cannot sit comfortably, he is in constant pain if he is standing up. There is no relief.

We had moved from my parents' house to a hotel nearby which had a two bedroom apartment for us to use, so that when the kids woke up at 2.15 on the first day (I was alerted to their wakefulness by the sound of our 6-year-old putting on her roller blades - nice one!) it would only be us who were totally knackered and not Granny and Grandpa as well. Also, this allowed us to have a few hours together as a family after weeks apart. It was so exciting to see the kids again after so long, such a lovely feeling to be back together again, and so wonderful to hear them gasp "Mummy!" as they finally arrived at our room.

I had scheduled several appointments for the day after he arrived back, and we went to see one orthopaedic consultant who was very good to talk to. We scheduled a special MRI scan for the next day, Thursday, which would show us everything we needed.  (The scans we got done in Kaz had not covered all the angles necessary to make a proper diagnosis and were not good quality or detailed enough for him to be able to use them).

The Thursday scan showed a huge leakage of disc material from between the vertebrae and into the canal in the middle of the spine which is the channel for the nerves and fluids etc. When husband had his first back operation in Brazil ten years ago, I remember the scans very clearly (I got myself into a right tizzy about him having a back op in Sao Paulo when our health insurance was pretty basic and we couldn't just go to the best that money could buy. Thank god that budget has, so far, not been an issue for this problem.) At that time, there was a tiny bit of disc material sticking out into the channel and clearly poking into the nerve lines. It was horrible to see and you could imagine why it hurt so much, and clearly see that it would likely be better taken out than remaining in. But just the thought of your loved one having his back cut open so far form home and in a second rate hospital by a doctor we didn't know very well was traumatic. This time round, there is a huge dollop of disc which has squidged out of the place it is supposed to be (between the two vertebrae) and is pretty much filling his nerve canal for the entire distance between the two discs. There is hardly any space for the nerves and other material that normally exists happily there to be there with this huge blockage, hence the extreme discomfort.

We saw our original consultant, and a second consultant for a another opinion about possible treatments, and both were pretty surprised at the size of his slippage. Both immediately said that he needed to have this slippage removed quite quickly because it could cause long term nerve damage. But as for the long term solution to the problem, the two consultants had quite different opinions. Once suggested fusing the bones together. The other recommended against fusing and said he thought a support between the bones called a Wallace Ligament would be enough.

It may or may not be the best route to take, but we have chosen the more extreme surgical option for his treatment. Tomorrow he will have a 3+ hour operation where they will cut into the middle of his spine and try to take out all the errant disc. They will then grind up the bone they have removed as they cut into the spine, put it inside a metal cage thing, and stick that in the space where the disc used to be. This apparently allows bones cells to be released which can then cause new bone to grow into the space and fill the gap. To hold it in place while this happens, they have to use several titanium screws and plates etc. The scans have also shown that the next disc up is showing signs of wear, and is pretty much about to go (maybe), so they will finish off their work by putting a support in (not a Wallace Ligament, but something similar but slightly more flexible) to try to help the rest of the lower back from also collapsing. Grim.

My poor husband has had a couple of especially dreadfully painful nights since this diagnosis was made. And on Friday night, he suddenly lost a lot of sensation in his lower left leg below the knee, and by morning on Saturday, he was getting tingling up his thigh and could not feel if his shoe was on. Loss of sensation is obviously never good, but if it gets up to your nether regions, it can lead to quite catastrophic consequences such as double incontinence and erectile disfunction. So this creeping numbness has been a major cause of concern.  He called the specialist to discuss, and his operation was moved from 'some time this week' to Monday at the first opportunity to get into the operating theatre. If the numbness continued to worsen, we were told to come straight to hospital. So far, it has not got worse, but the pain of the back in general seems to have intensified.

Husband does not really know where to put himself at the moment, he is in such a state of exhaustion, discomfort and general unhappiness. He is understandably pretty nervous about the operation, but also desperate to get away from these horrible sensations.

We moved from our hotel to a gorgeous little (tiny, tiny) cottage today which is much better than staying in a hotel for us in terms of relaxing and feeling that we can breathe out a bit, unpack for  few weeks and try to get on with life as best we can while waiting for the new baby to arrive (in less than 4 weeks' time!). Kids are behaving extremely well. Eldest is ecstatic that she has found her missing DS game in our camper van. Middle kid still has jet lag and was begging to go to bed tonight, but has been great today. Little one keeps saying "Daddy, he got sore back? My daddy, very sore back. Mummy baby in tummy. Mummy big baby in tummy. Me sit mummy baby in tummy" more or less like a scratched record! Her dolly is now sick (she has a sore back too!).

Camper van has started to be slightly more reliable about starting, but is still a long way from being reliable! Let's just say that the jump leads have been well used every day this week in the mornings. Father and uncle reckon it is damp points. I think it is damp points and weak battery. Husband is muttering about fundamental fault, but does not know enough about mechanics to be able to make a true diagnosis. So for the time being jump leads are in an easily accessible cupboard in the van for those early morning starting sessions.

Joyful January continues!

So husband will be medivac-ed home tomorrow, a mere three weeks and 2 days after I came home in the middle of the night to go to hospital. He has staggered through two weeks of back agony and painkilling jabs in his bum, overseen the Burns Supper event that we organised last Saturday, and today, finally, more or less collapsed after our doctor in Kazakhstan gave him such a heavy dose of drugs that he can barely string a sentence together.

It has been quite distressing to speak to him on skype and see him suffering so much, but being 3,400 miles away there is very little comfort I can give him. I will be so relieved when he comes home and we can look after him.

A week of doctors appointments stretches ahead, and hopefully soon we will know what they think about his back pain, and be able to make a workable strategy for treatment that fits snugly around the arrival of the our new baby sometime near the beginning of March.

This is the fourth January in a row that we have had to deal with serious health scares or death in the family. Four Januarys ago, both our fathers were diagnosed with cancer, so we rushed home to see them and support our families. Three Januarys ago, my-father-in law sadly passed away. Last year, our one-year-old picked up a nasty gastroenteritis bug in the Philippines and ended up on a drip in hospital. And this year, both of us have been crocked in one way or another. I really hope that next year we get a clear run!

On the bright side, the pregnancy continues to go very well, our camper van has decided that it will now start again (it was in a huff after being in a damp, cold garage and unused all winter) and most of our Christmas parcels have worked their way through the vodka-soaked Kazakh postal service and arrived at our home in Almaty, a mere 8 weeks after being posted! Hurrah! Only four are missing and we now have high hopes that they may also eventually arrive.

Shocking news

Awful news today. One of our hiking group, a lovely American lady who also comes to playgroup with her 2.5 year old and 10 month old daughters, has just lost her husband to a sudden, fatal illness. None of us know what happened yet. Apparently he was suddenly taken very ill, and while being evacuated by airplane out of Kazakhstan, died while still on the plane.

I met him just before Christmas which was nice because he was a lovely, big, friendly guy, and she (wife) and I have been getting on very nicely at both hiking and playgroup. They were quite new to town, I think they came during the summer and she has done a great job of settling in: quite independent, patient, gets advice and then works out the best way to organise life. She is extremely charming, thoughtful and interesting and I am so sad for her.

Spent today running errands and sorting out my own husband's journey back to the UK to see a doctor, and have not been able to stop thinking about the poor, poor woman and her tiny children. They are really small. How completely and utterly sad.

Testing Expat Times

A lot of the time living abroad, we rather enjoy the fact that not everything is normal in our lives, that things can be unpredictable and lack a constant routine and that our lives contain a slightly greater amount of variety than they perhaps would if we had stayed in the one place our whole lives. But there are occasions when we crave the security and safety of the UK and its well-run, professional bodies that we have left behind. When I was recently checked into the Maternity wing of our local hospital, I almost wept at the kindness and competence of the staff there. They were just amazing - well-trained, hard-working, pleasant, lovely people who seem to have a genuine concern for the well-being of the people they are looking after. I continue to be amazed at the fantastic care I am being given by my new obstetrician and our GP. Their attention to detail is just excellent.

This last month or so has been a tester, though. Blimey! Even we are beginning to hope for an end in sight to the numerous issues that surround our family's circumstances: the changing plans, the last-minute decisions we are having to make, the various painful ailments that have arisen.

If you visit this blog often, you will know that our youngest daughter and I are now in the UK awaiting baby number four's arrival. I am now eight months pregnant. Since he returned to Kazakhstan (after bringing me home because I was simply too ill to travel on my own with a two-year old) my husband has been stricken with absolutely horrendous back pain. He has missed work, can't get out of bed, can't drive, can't work for the pain he is in. He slipped a disc when he was 28 had half a disc removed when we lived in Brazil. The other half has now come back to attack him with a vengeance it seems.

He is having to get painkilling injections in his backside administered by our nanny (above and beyond the normal call of duty I know!) three times a day. Luckily, she has just had the plaster removed from her right hand, which she had to wear for a month after slipping on the ice on the pavement outside her house and breaking her wrist. So she is able to give the injections (apparently, everyone who went through the Soviet education system has been taught how to give intra-muscular shots!). But these injections do not really reduce the pain, and his osteopath treatment also is not working. His pain varies from severe and constant to so bad he cannot speak on the phone. And so we are looking at having to have him stretchered back to the UK for treatment.

But he cannot leave the older kids in Kazakhstan (we have two). And I am too pregnant to go and get them at 36 weeks - no airline will let me on their planes anymore. None of our family and friends in the UK have multi-entry Kazakh visas, so noone can just jump on a place and come out and help because they won't be allowed over the border. Equally, none of the Kazakh locals we know can simply come to the UK at the drop of a hat, as they also require visas to enter Great Britain. While I have been away, and husband has been having all these problems, our friends have rallied around and been amazingly supportive. But the people who would really be great at helping in this situation are too busy or have other commitments which make flying back at such short notice impossible.

The UK health system is great, but it is not known for its speed. And whatever happens, at some point in the next five weeks I will have a new baby. I just hope that my husband will be able to stand up to meet our new daughter and at least hold her from time to time.

On the bright side, three of our missing 11 parcels arrived in the post yesterday, including Alice's book in which I have a little section (haven't read it yet, excited to see it) and my two Christmas music CDs which I ordered and were posted in the first week of December. January 27 they arrived - just in time for next year!

Hazard-spotting cont.

My continued shock at our overly-safety-conscious society continued today at a new playgroup (very nice playgroup, lovely church hall, promising looking bunch of people at it, very friendly). I was in the middle of what I thought was a nice conversation with a girl about her baby, where she lived, did she work and a general get-to-know-you chat when her nine-month old baby sent a wheeled toy whizzing across the floor to another part of the room.

We were sitting in a large room full of toys, babies and toddlers. There was stuff everywhere. And then, after watching this toy roll off, and in the middle of her sentence, she jumped up with a cry of "Oooh, trip hazard," and scuttled over to retrieve the toy from about eight feet away.

"Trip hazard" - what??????

When she came back, I was tempted to ask her if she thought that by leaving her baby for five seconds on a wooden floor, she had not been risking a "bump hazard" or "potential cranial trauma incident (P.C.T.I)"? What if her baby had accidentally fallen over while she had been away for the shocking length of time of about 20 seconds (which obviously means that she is a lax parent because she was not attending to her child for every second of the day). But I didn't. Don't want everyone thinking I am a freak!

I will have to watch my tongue. I really enjoyed the playgroup today, and met a couple of genuinely nice, normal, sensible, fun and interesting looking girls around my age which is great. But if anyone else starts wittering on about bloody ridiculous safety issues to me, I will be unable to maintain my shy and polite silence and put them in their place. And then live with the consequences as I am ostracised as a weird witch for holding such subversive views.