Spinal op a-go-go

Can't go to bed, too tense. Waiting for husband's nurse to call to tell me he is OK. He has been away being operated on since 6.10. It is now 11.10.

I thought I was doing really well (compared to last time he had a back op when I went mentally awol for the three days he was in hospital - practically unable to function!), but have had a few odd moments where I realise that it is quite a stressful time.

I had a crisis of choice in which box of tissues to buy him to take to hospital in Boots. He, of course, did not need to take any tissues with him, but I had gone to Boots the Chemists to get him a new toothbrush, and it didn't feel like contribution enough, so I got him some bloody tissues but it took about 10 minutes to choose the box, and even then I fretted. In the end I went Mr Men (turns out the tissues have Mr Men on them). Thought they would go well with the girls' Get Well Soon cards they made.

I thought we were pretty calm this afternoon until he was bundled into his tight socks (to prevent deep vein thrombosis) and hospital gown and ushered quickly out of the room and I burst into tears as he left - totally not the strong, reliable rock he might have needed as he went off to face the surgical chisel in his spine. Total wash out really. Uncontrollable blubbing.

I am going to go and lie down now with the phone and wait for the call.